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the Christian Church, Sex and my BIG Sin.

Me.steve

Yep, that’s me and my sweet husband. This is about 3 weeks after we started dating on New Years eve of 1999-2000.

This is probably one of the hardest posts I’ve ever had to write. Ever. But I believe that people’s words can make a difference, and I can hope that this helps someone somewhere. Hopefully to bring truth to light and make christian people in church a little less stuffy and a little more forgiving. I will probably lose friends, or readers, or followers or whatever. But who cares. It’s why I write. I write for me and my beliefs. I’m writing  this post to bring what I feel is much needed attention to the fact that we should be focusing on forgiveness of everyone no matter what the sin. 

I got this urge and need to write this post when I read Kristen’s post “What I want my kids to know about sex” a couple of days ago. While I’m not writing about my kids, it is about the topic of Sex within the Church and how it seems to be not only shamed but it seems to be looked down upon in an unforgivable way. This is not ok.

God gives grace to everyone, Equally and No Matter What!

The world seems to have become so worried about obeying the Lord and His truths that we have forgotten an important part.

Forgiveness and Love.

Without these two things, we cannot exist. A true and decent world should contain forgiveness and love. It should have people who strive to bring these things to light continually. I try to be one of those people. So here I am, about to confess to this little world of mine on this page, one of my biggest sins.

My husband and I met at this church he grew up in. My friend brought me to this church. I trusted people, ministers in this church. I still do. There are people in our old church that I still love and that had nothing to do with the shame that was laid upon us.

To get to the point of this, I’m going to fast track it. Basically, my husband and I met and fell in love in less than a month. We were what we’d both been looking for in a mate our entire 21 years of life. We wanted to get married in the next year, and engaged as soon as possible. We literally spent every single day together. We were way beyond smitten. So naturally our sinful selves got very taken away.

Yep, we had pre-marital sex. (drop bomb) We lied, we told friends and family it wasn’t true. We saw what had happened within the church to 2 other friends that had gotten pregnant while unmarried. They were shamed. Shamed right out of the church. They felt so unwelcome and so uncomfortable that they left. When did this happen? When did Jesus say it’s ok to throw stones? Um, never. Everyone sins, no sin is unforgivable. No sin is worse.

But then our world got hit. Hit so hard that we were both shaken to our core.

I got pregnant. Yep, we had been dating for 6 months and I got pregnant.

I was scared. Not just, I broke the “rules” scared. But I was scared of being called out, be verbally and emotionally castrated by members in our church, people we called friends. I was in literal turmoil. My emotions were mush. I had no idea what to think, do, say or feel. There was no one I could talk to…..the act of pre-marital sex was forbidden. How was I to speak to anyone about it?

My family was already disappointed in me for not perfect college behavior in the past. The past that Jesus had washed away and forgiven. The past that was now seemingly creeping back into my life and trying to overcome me. I was a bad person again. I was the bad girl. I was dirty and unclean and no one would want me.

The thoughts were not just in my head. They were in front of me in real life and while my husband was pro-life, I was pro-choice. I was a very liberal girl back then. (*I say girl, because that’s what I was. I was new in my christianity and new to this life with God.)

Well, we did it. We chose what people call “the easy way”. I had an abortion. That word haunts me to this day. An expensive abortion that reminded me for months that I was now tainted. That I had done the unspeakable and was unforgiven by people I called my friends. True, I didn’t know who of my close friends would judge me. But because my husband’s family was close to many ministers in the church and I knew it wouldn’t be good.

We both felt we had no other way out of our pregnancy. We felt trapped, like we WERE going to be stoned and that we would then be alone. Those feeling overwhelmed me. The feelings took over my knowing that God was in control, that God was the only one that mattered. Back then, those 13 years ago, I didn’t know God and his word like I do now. I didn’t feel strong in his faith. I was a christian newbie. And I chose the easy way out. If we did it, moved on with our lives like nothing had happened, then our perfect in church life would be ok. We would still be loved.

(* I want to make sure that as you read this you understand that these are my feeling I had at the time.  No one in our church verbally said anything to us.  This is how I felt.  It may have turned out differently if I had chosen the other path.  I’ll never know.)

That’s where things were just wrong. This whole part of my life was wrong. I’ve never really known how to feel about my abortion. An abortion with a man who I loved and that I ended up marrying 2 years later. I just left myself numb to it. Knowing that my life might have been harder, more alone than now, and really just unknown.

I would have a wonderful 13 year old child right now.

MY child would’ve just turned 13 this spring.

…….And now I mourn. I mourn a different life with a fourth child. I mourn the face that I let the ideals and opinions of others affect my decision about life. About my child’s life. About an innocent life. I mourn that there are other people and other churches out there that do the same. They don’t welcome the broken, the burned, the scarred with open arms. They don’t have open minds. They don’t see things the way they should be. Freely and without judgement.

But mostly I mourn that I will never be able to completely forgive myself. For it was my decision, and I did it freely.

Thank goodness the Lords forgiveness is all I need. I shall cling to it.

Now, while my heart will always hurt, I am healing.  I think it will be a lifelong healing process.  I have forgiven myself, but I will never forget and I don’t feel I should.  It’s our trials that bring us closer to God and give us stronger faith in Him.

“Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling

on it separates close friends.”

 

Proverbs 17:9 NLT

Comments

  1. Great post Leigh! My friend got pregnant at 19 & had a very hard time with the reactions she received from the church. Thankfully the pastor himself was extremely supportive and loving which allowed for her to see past the ridiculousness of the people within the walls of that place. I’ve seen how hurtful Christians can be with this “unthinkable” sin. Breaks my heart…
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  2. Oh sweet, Leigh <3

    Our dating/marriage stories are so similar (other than the pregnancy/abortion) We met.. we knew.. it was whirlwind. We (gasp) moved in together and we were asked repeatedly by family when we would quit living in sin and get right in the eyes of God.

    (sigh)

    I've learned many things over the years, and I still fail.. I still fall.. I still question, but I know that I am saved and loved. I do not believe that Jesus judged, or pointed fingers, or shamed.

    I'm proud of you (and in awe) for writing this <3 HUGS
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  3. *slow clap* There aren’t enough words or ways I can say how impressed I am by your boldness. This is such an unspoken, taboo subject within the church and I applaud you for tackling it head-on.

    I will say, I am sorry for your loss. I can’t relate personally, but I can feel some of the pain in your words and I will pray for His peace and grace to continue to pour out on you. We all fail, and no sin is greater or smaller than another. And any time I find myself outside of His will, I am so thankful that His grace, mercy, and forgiveness is just a prayer away.

    I think this was a beautifully written post, and hopefully it will speak volumes to someone who needs to hear it.
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  4. Leigh, your courage is stunning! Thank you so much for sharing this precious part of yourself, your story, with us. It is a powerful act, to bring our stories into the light of God. I pray that you know the deep forgiveness and love of God, deep, deep down in yourself. For all of us have sinned, and fallen short of God’s glory. All of us. But thanks be to God that in Jesus Christ there is forgiveness, reconciliation, grace. Bless you, sister!
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  5. Courage. You.
    Forgiveness. You.
    Sinner and saint. You.
    Love unending, hold it because in it, you do this:

    Courage. Us.
    Forgiveness. Us.
    Sinner and saint. Us.

    Thanks for this post.
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  6. I love your post. I’m so achingly sorry that you had to endure the torture of being shamed so badly that you had an abortion. My heart goes out to you and your husband. I too got pregnant at a young age out of wedlock and keeping our son despite all the whispers and pressure was the best decision we’ve ever made. It’s hurtful that a group that preaches love and forgiveness could make people feel so awful as to turn to such measures. Children are gifts from God whether they come while we have rings on our fingers or not.
    Prayers for peace & healing in your heart and any friends you lose over this aren’t friends or Christians to being with.

  7. Oh bless you, Leigh. No judgement. Only love. Hugs and love to you…
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  8. Amy Halleran says:

    Me too! I felt the fear at 18. It was the agonizing gut-wrenching fear that the wrath of my parents and our church family would shun me, kick me to the curb. I had been threatened with it. “If you ever get pregnant you will be on your own.” I was completely dependent on them for everything at that point in my life. Suddenly I pictured myself homeless, pregnant and begging by the side of the road. So I may the other wicked choice and cried and screamed all the way through it.
    But I couldn’t live.with the shame myself and I ran away from church and my family by going off to college keeping my distance from anyone who loved me and getting into as much trouble as possible without breaking the law. It took.20 years.to.forgive myself and understand god’s grace.

    After I couldn’t live.with myself in church, so I opted out.

  9. Your story seems very similar. I lived the premarital choices and consequences and embarrassment, and the choosing because of the fear and pressures of others . . . My family. And, I, too, would have a 13 year old today. The telling about it is worship. It’s declaring His goodness, His love, His mercies, and His faith-stretching. You honor Him with this truth-telling.
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  10. Leigh,
    I’m so sorry. Sorry for your loss. Sorry for the way you were treated. Sorry that you didn’t have support and love and encouragement when you went through this. Church SHOULD BE the safest place in the world for ” the broken, the burned, the scarred”. And you’re right. We often fail to remember that Jesus would love and forgive. We have got to band together and fight that trend. Stop judging others and instead shine Light and Love. You take a big step toward that today. Thank you!

    You’ve not lost a friend here. If anything, I feel proud to know you and call you friend. You are courageous girl!

    Praying for God to heal your heart, because you ARE forgiven, and if the God of the universe forgives you, I pray that you’ll someday be able to find forgiveness for yourself as well.
    *hugs*
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  11. Sweet Leigh…your courage is admirable! You are so brave. I love the heart you have shared in this space and I love you…hugs and blessings. We have all sinned and for some reason Christians have (in my opinion) decided that we should give sin a rating. Sin-bad. Some sins-really bad. SOME sins-REALLY bad. We’ve all sinned. And Jesus doesn’t rate the sin. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. And there was no one…

    Hugs~
    Mary
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  12. Leigh, your story is powerful and important! I pray that your words bring light to the ugly condemnation that is rampant in churches everywhere. You are precious and beautiful, and I am so sorry that the church failed you.
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  13. Leigh, Not even considering anything about the church just the fact that you were younger then and now 13 yrs. later you are older, wiser and mature is what makes it so clear to you now that you are missing the child you aborted. With age comes wisdom especially when it comes to women. It is very unfortunate that the body is ready to reproduce at such young ages because the mind is usually not. I am 47 and never had any children and I kinda mourn the children that I never made. I sit and think of how old they could be and the grandchildren I’ll never have.

  14. You are brave to share. And I believe your story will help change someone else’s. Thanks for sharing redemption and grace right here.
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  15. As a church we get this whole sex thing so wrong, don’t we? We don’t talk about it – except to say don’t do it. Then we don’t provide a way of repentance and reconciliation when it does happen (and obviously, based on stats, more young people are than aren’t in churches). All sin needs to be brought into the light, repented of, and then the person restored and reconciled. It’s when we allow our church cultures to stay places that make it seem safer to keep that sin in the dark that people feel they have no place to turn and get desperate. How can we possibly provide accountability to each other as believers when we are afraid to be real or to admit we are struggling?

    As someone who is adopted, who was an unwanted child, can I just say that I get it. I get why you had the abortion. I get why young women, who are told they can just erase that mistake, choose that path. I get why it seems like there really isn’t a way out. Can I encourage you to visit one of these sites and find healing? there are also support groups and programs to help women who are post-abortive. memorialfortheunborn.org; acrywithoutavoice.com; supportpersonhood.com; unbornmemorials.com. You aren’t alone. There are thousands of women sitting silently in church pews who are exactly where you are at.

    Thanks for sharing your heart – I’m sure this post has given someone encouragement and strength. (((Hugs))))

  16. Thank you for finding the courage to share your story. I understand your regret and that you mourn. One day, I promise, it will not hurt so keenly. Sharing your story and believing the forgiveness that God extends to you will both help ease that ache. Love you *HUG*
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  17. Leigh,

    I’m so glad you wrote this post, because I really feel like our words make a difference. Whether it makes someone who has made the same choices as you feel less alone, or it helps someone’s church members see how unsupportive and judgey they are, your words make a difference.

    I think back to all the stupid choices I made as a teenager (way younger than 21) and know how very lucky I am. Mostly, I’m amazed that any teenager and young 20-something ever makes it through that phase alive.

    Just yesterday, I was talking with a friend about how different my life would be if the pregnancies I’ve had would have ended in a baby instead of miscarriage. I know, for a fact, that I wouldn’t have the children I have now if I had had the other babies. Maybe it’s teh same for you. Maybe your three beautiful children wouldn’t be yours or you would only have two or you would only have one…there are just too many variables in the “what if” to make it a productive conversation. Even if you can’t really get away from it in your head I hope that you can give yourself a break.

    Because you are awesome.

  18. I have nothing but love for you, sweet friend. What a big, beautiful heart you have to let us all in like that. Thank you for your bravery and for refusing to remain silent…there are so many hurting hearts in the world and you can help set those prisoners free. I wish I could hug you in person right now.

  19. This is a beautiful, amazing, honest piece. I’m amazed by you.

    And you are an amazing christian, and I have no doubt that you are loved and forgiven.

  20. Val Pearson says:

    I am not a subscriber to your blog, but after this post I most definitely will be. I am so sorry that you have to mourn that child but I do believe that you have made a good impact out of a bad situation. I know that everyone likes to lay blame and most times, I disagree with it. I think in situations like yours, the people in the church should share in some of the blame that you bear everyday. The church was never EVER meant to be a place where people are shunned. I don’t recall one incident in the bible when Jesus shunned anybody. Because of you, someone going through this same decision might make the right one. Your story has made an impact, thank you for sharing it.

  21. My husband and I were so similar. We met and married in 13 months and once we started dating we knew within weeks. And yes, the physical part got in the way, but I was the one that pushed it.
    While “technically” we were still virgins when we got married, most people would know in their hearts we weren’t as we’d done everything but. We knew each other well.
    And I have never truly been able to share this with anyone for fear of the same reactions. I couldn’t even tell my parents I was dating while I was in college for fear of their reaction.
    We justified it by saying that we were going to get married, that we were married in our hearts, but the shame almost ripped us apart before that.
    We’ve been married 8 years now and 4 kids later and some days I still feel guilty. I don’t want the same for my children. I want them to know that they will make mistakes, but none are bigger than any others and they will still be loved and welcome.
    I’m so thankful for the conversations about this going on right now. Thank you for sharing your story.
    (and for what it’s worth, I have worked in a crisis pregnancy center and we never shame someone for having an abortion, we are there for support and we also have a group for women who’ve had an abortion. If you haven’t looked into one, may I suggest it?)
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  22. Jeff Adams says:

    Leigh, I noticed that no men have commented. Also, no current day Pharisees. I’m a pastor and a former rock-thrower. And I’m sorry. For everything, all that you’ve endured, and all that I inflicted on others.

    We’ve never met, but had I known you then I’m certain I would have condemned you, because your sin reminded me of my own. I wouldn’t have suggested that you have an abortion, but the fact that you had one would have only made you even less worthy in my myopic vision.

    Now, I’m no longer who I was then. I’m forgiven. Perhaps more importantly, I’m learning to forgive myself. God confronted me, broke me, and he uses me to help others know the truth about his unconditional love.

    My prayer for both of us—for all of us—is that we’d realize the depth and breadth and height of his love. Thanks so much for telling the truth.

    —a Ragamuffin

  23. Dear Leigh,

    Blessings and love to you. Although those were not my experiences, I have been shamed and alone for no reason. The shame and guilt others cast our way doesn’t even need a reason. It’s their sin that judges and condemns. We are the only group of people who shot our wounded. It’s in every church for no reason or any reason. It is because saten himself is in our church. The new man in Christ doesn’t do these things. My only prayer for you is that you forgive yourself. Not forgiving yourself is not accepting His forgiveness. You literally are dragging that sin back out of hell to keep yourself in bondage to it. I pray you accept this forgiveness and completely forgive yourself. Satan is the accuser and you are no under no condemnation. Romans 8: 1.

  24. Leigh,
    You are Loved, Beautiful. Redeemed. Forgiven. Honest. Brave. I am often saddened that Grace doesn’t get as much attention as it deserves. As we deserve.
    I love this post, and I love your heart.
    Peace and good to you, sweet sister, in Jesus’ name. He, the Redeemer.
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  25. This is fantastic Leigh!
    As a minister, I apologize for the narrow sight and thinking of most Mainstream pastors, ministers and “church people”.

    Your story is touching and moves the heart and soul of those of us who can identify.

    Abundant Blessings to you and your family.

  26. Fantastic Leigh! I wrote a comment but suspect it was deleted.

    God bless you, great job!

  27. Thank you for being brave and telling your story. Your words will be the healing balm to someone out there that needs just this today. Stories from the heart heal and allow others to be brave too.
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  28. Heather says:

    Wow, I can truly feel your hurt and at the same time your love for God. Well written. I

  29. Kay Shostak says:

    As a youth minister I dealt with this with two of our youth. We got to them before the abortion and were able to give them the support to talk to their parents. The pregnancy ended in a miscarriage however. Since I was already an adult with teens I had the strength to face the leaders in our church who wanted to shun and punish. We need to remember those leaders of our youth who need our support when they are facing situations that could affect their careers, their lives. They need our counsel, encouragement, and prayers to help our children. They are on the front lines and often feel alone.

  30. There, but for the grace of God, go I. I fell in the same way, but never had to deal with the physical consequences of my “bad girl” behavior. I am a women’s team leader, married for 24 years and mom to four kids, and I still struggle with people knowing that about me. At the same time, I want young moms and girls to know that there is grace and forgiveness after our sin. I want them to feel love and acceptance in the midst of their struggle.

  31. your grief is called post abortion syndrome! many of us who, from times earlier than yours, that had a ”blob of tissue” removed, (we were deceived) lived with the grief, and isolation, fear, and judgement for years,! the ages have changed, but the fact remains the same! we grieve a live human being, I myself did he same, mine would be 30! Christ sent me angel, in woman form, who, by all instances, took a chance, on having classes, bible studies, in our church! we were at first reluctant, but, in the end, our first class had a show of 15 women! we studied a series of verses, and let the Lord lead us to healing, and some were even given their child’s name. most importantly
    we were all forgiven, set free from the bondage of grief, and my life changed dramatically since then! my main issue was , seriously I did not know the truth, but when I was shown the procedure, I was horrified, felt duped, and angry! I met another lady who worked the crisis pregnancy center in NC! and from then on! I know the truth, and I trust God daily, to send me others with which I may share! God Bless! we can be forgiven and set free!!

  32. Leigh,
    So brave. So honest. And I love you for it. It’s hard to be open in this world today. Things are so open, yet we can’t be – ironic right? As a Christian, I struggle with this all the time. I have gay friends and friends who have had abortions. Both are called out by my other Christian friends. ‘They can’t be a Christian if they are gay. They’re living in sin and they know it. It’s not right.’ ‘They can’t be a Christian if they murdered their baby.’ Ummm… since when is their ‘sin’ any worse than yours? Right? I absolutely despise this part of Christianity, but thankfully, I know that God forgives even them for being so closed-minded and judgmental. He loves us ALL no matter what. So proud of you and glad to call you among my friends! :)
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  33. GrievedHeart says:

    Your story reminds me of a certain king of Israel who took sex outside of the bounds God created for it, who felt that the cost of admitting the sin was too great to bear and staged a cover-up, and who had a child die as a result. (Of course he also killed an innocent man in the process.) King David was *still* a man after God’s own heart, and as a woman who is equally a sinner and equally saved by grace I am in no way judging you or doubting that you are a woman after God’s own heart. But I’ve read a number of blog posts similar to yours recently and every time my heart cries out, where is the heart of David in all this, to weep over our sin, to cry out as David does in Psalm 51 (which was his prayer of repentance after adultery with Bathsheba), “Against you and you only have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight.” I think it’s completely tragic the church has so often expressed condemnation and judgment, and propagated the falsehood that sexual sin is a worse sin. I think it’s more tragic that sexual sin has ravaged so many lives, including ending so many lives of the unborn. We as the church are certainly guilty of failing to love, but I think we are also guilty of failing to proclaim the truth of what God has created sex to be, and acknowledging the way we grieve God (and the way we damage ourselves and others) when we don’t keep sex in the bounds he has set. I have no idea the conversations you’ve had with God, or the process of repentance and healing you may have gone through. My call is just to all of us to deal honestly with our sin (whatever it might be), before God, with a recognition that we HAVE sinned against him. We cannot be cleaned up and set free until our hearts our completely broken by repentance.

  34. Teri Winters says:

    It is always so sad when we are more concerned about what the world thinks of us over what our Creator knows of us.

  35. I too was in a similar situation. My husband and I were already engaged to be married when we started having sex. I wound up pregnant. We were already engaged and planning to be married. I was 4 months pregnant when I got married and was able to avoid telling people until after the wedding. After my son was born I could literally feel people doing the math. It was very upsetting. I think that all sin is sin and people cant judge others just because their sin happens to be of a different nature.

  36. Sweet Leigh,

    I pray that you find NONE of the judgment that you are fearing from this brave post. So many of us, whether we choose to be honest about it or not, have walked a similar path. My hubby and I dated a whole 6 weeks before we got married (33+ years ago) and still didn’t manage to maintain sexual purity. We didn’t get pregnant but easily could have and might have been tempted to make a similar choice.

    God has been gracious to you in assuring you of His forgiveness and love! Not everyone is able to grasp that. I have an adult stepdaughter who chose abortion to avoid having to disappoint her father. =( She has never emotionally recovered!

    There has to be a way for the church to figure out how to love the sinner … even while hating the sin! Especially in this area! Because when we judge our daughters harshly for their sexual sins … we bear part of the guilt (perhaps most of it) when they choose to terminate their pregnancies rather than face our judgment!

    Hugs dear friend! Know that you are loved!
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  37. You are so precious! What a testimony. The Lord’s plan – full of mercy, grace and redemption never ceases to amaze me. Thank you for sharing His love story.
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  38. The question for me is what is the proper balance? I mean we need to have that forgiveness and love I totally agree with that. I am no where near perfect with my past life. The deal that I think people have is how to up hold a standard and at the same time be forgiving. I have people in my life that are doing foolish things and they know it. Before they go and do something you give them the word and the advice not to go and do what they want. Then they just ignore you and go do it. Thats where I struggle at. I dont want to hate any single person. But how do you handle blatant rebellion?

    People need forgiveness but people dont want to be taken advantage of time after time because people get a free pass of forgiveness. Its the separation of people with genuine hearts and motives and people that are abusing others crying out while sinning that we need to just forgive them. I guess us as people that forgive dont know the difference at times. Sex before marraige maybe in some peoples eyes as just rebilion and not wanting to listen at all. You knew it was wrong when you did it and the only reason you feel bad is because you got caught. Is what typical people think… which leaves you in a no win situation. (Now its just turned into thoughts as the go right now sorry for the rambling) hmm This brings up to me the adulterous woman and what Jesus said to her…. “Go and sin no more” that is the separation of the motives and heart.

    I am in no way condemning you at all. Just as a Christian I think it wise to look into my own reactions towards others in the sin they commit. I am interested in your take on this (if anything i said makes any sense). Keep pressing towards the high calling you are forgiven. Good post.

  39. Your testimony is one that REALLY needs to be put out there in the public eye. MILLIONS of mom’s and dad’s have either been through or are going through these things NOW. I also paid for and abortion myself when I was about 18 – 19 and live with that daily and fight it as well now.

    As one that has been into everything from drugs to satanism I KNOW the importance of sharing these kinds of things with the people outside the church and today INSIDE the church was well. Sadly if you know what the statistics of sex outside marriage is INSIDE the church you will see very little difference between those not in church and those in church. Something needs to be done and said about this AND those that have already made the kinds of choices you did, STILL NEED TO BE LOVED AND SUPPORTED. They did not commit the “unforgivable sin” they made a mistake, got caught up with things they should have guarded against better and in fact they were being fleshly.

    We CANNOT throw them to the wolves, throw them out of the church, or anything of the sort. We MUST love them support them and help to GUIDE them in future choices, especially in KEEPING the child.

    As one that has been into Internet radio for a long time I would REALLY recommend making a recording and/or a video and getting it online and sharing it with as many as possible.

    http://www.cross.tv is a great Christian place you can freely add videos, audios, etc and share it with everyone you can. I would GLADLY help you share your testimony as well as many here I am sure.

    God bless and remember although we have all sinned GREATLY and in cases like mine, BEYOND MEASURE, we need only repent of our sins and trust in Jesus Christ alone. Now we must forgive ourselves, something I have to still work on in all honesty.

    If I can help, just ask.

  40. Mary Humphrey says:

    By relaying your story you are helping others. God’s love and grace shines through the darkness, through you.

    Your testimony is much needed. So many people have blemishes in their pasts that God has forgiven, but they have not forgiven of themselves. We die to the old self as a Christian, yet, we continue to burn ourselves over what we perceive as an unforgivable sin. So sad that we cannot get beyond what we know to be the truth.

    Thank you so much for sharing. I hope that others see the light, just as you have. My husband and I experienced a situation where we were denied joining a church, over what was perceived as an unforgiveable sin. Through much study and prayer, quiet time with the Spirit, we came to realize that God did not consider our (past) situation an unforgivable sin. That particular experience led me on a journey to never allow another person, within my own grasp, to feel as we had felt! Nobody should be left dangling with hurt, pain, and the feeling of abandonment by God via the words of humans.

    God bless!

  41. Oh Leigh!
    I am so touched by your words. I’m so sorry that you felt the way that you did back then. And you are so right about God’s heart- He’s all about forgiveness and love. What I know from my past hurt and my mistakes is that they’ve made me uniquely qualified to give love to people with those same hurts. And I know that simply by writing this post you are giving love to other women out there who feel lost and alone.

    I’m excited that you broke the silence. When I first started to break the silence of my own past of working in the sex industry it was hard. Shame- that horrible tool of the enemy- tried to keep me down. But once I came out and was honest, a new light was shining on me- a light of truth. And now I know from real experience that the truth will set you free.

    I am so proud to be your friend. May God bless you and honor you. Thank you for breaking through the shame and being the light that you are.

    Love you!!
    Andee Flynn recently posted..i’m a research nerdMy Profile

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